So you thought you might like to go to the Show

Well, he I am sat in my flat listening to 'Roger Waters The Wall - Live in Berlin' album. Now anyone who might know my may be thinking - what the deuce? The Wall? What can I say, I am a man of many a tastes - just don't tell anyone.

I am not sure why I put this particular album on, especially after the pop-fest that's been going on over the last couple of days. Maybe it is symbolic that I have returned to this album after so many years now. After all, there was Genesis, Huey Lewis, Phil Collins and many others to have chosen from. The album is of the concert that took place on Saturday 21st July 1990 featuring an all-star line up.

I suppose that the album reminds me of a time when I ran with a different crown, when I was a different person to who I became. Maybe it is because the album contains some of the most haunting memories captured and replicated in the form of song.

"Did you ever wonder why we had to run for shelter when the promise of a brave new world unfurled beneath a clear blue sky?" (Goodbye Blue Sky). Why did I hide my feelings, bottling up inside the hurt when there was someone who loved me dearly. Why could I not trust and let myself be taken out of the darkness and into the bright light of the future.

"Goodbye, all you people,there's nothing you can say to make me change my mind." (Goodbye Cruel World). How many times in my life have I had to say goodbye to life, friends who have deserted me or turned their back on me when I needed them most. The times when it got too much to handle, the times that I wanted to withdraw from the World around me.

"Now I've got that feeling once again.I can't explain you would not understand. This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb." (Comfortably Numb). This is how I have felt, how I am feeling, and how I will no doubt feel in the future. It is hard to explain how you are feeling, when you disconnect from your life and watch from outside to try and stop the pain. Don't ask how I am feeling because I cannot tell you. Do I actually feel anything anymore? Yes the body is emotional and tearful, but am I actually feeling. Have I just become numb to the feeling within me.


Sometimes I wonder whether I had a childhood, that blissful innocence where the world is bright and every experience is to be treasured. If I did then I have no recollection, then again I have no recollection of childhood at all. Is this how Rick Deckard feel like when he discovered the truth? I know of things that had happened but no memories, no recall of what they were. Was I ever really happy or have I always been this way?

Maybe this is just the meds talking, numbing the pain and making me disconnected from my life. I remember laughing with friends, acting the fool to keep them entertained. But when have I experienced true joy? Have I ever had the experience?